You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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