the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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