You can't motorboat a personality
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
