I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
