i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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