So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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