im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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