I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
time to smoke my breakfast
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
