So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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