so that wasnt chicken after all
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
