Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
