I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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