Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
