There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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