Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
