YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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