no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can't turn off my feet"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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