and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize