OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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