What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
