Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
