didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize
