we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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