i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
