people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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