My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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