i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize