someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho