We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
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Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
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I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.