just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".