I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.