Just fell off a train. Bad.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love