I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Green mimosas i think yes
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.