you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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