Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
