just tell him i said nine months
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
