someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He did a backflip because drugs
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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