You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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