Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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