Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
