dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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