I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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