were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
