I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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