Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
