i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
