Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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