why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
