my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
