I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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