So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
