dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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