I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
