wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
