she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
