I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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