Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
