We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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