Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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