There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
