Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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