Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
