one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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