I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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