you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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