i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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