Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
