Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
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I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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