I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
