you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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