Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
