I swear she didn't look like that last week.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
